I was thinking this morning how we can communicate with each other in a way different from the one encouraged by the ideological mind-set. And I was thinking of it because I rushed to make a response to someone and then had to edit and cut my own words out because they came out sharper than I intended.

Writing, especially on the web, is addictive because it can be done so quickly. So what works? (This is advice to myself…musing out aloud)

(1) Think a minute before you write something. Or, write it and save it but don’t send it.

(2) Try to focus on what the other person actually said, rather than what you think their motives for saying it might be. Even if they do have those motives.

(3) Try to start from some place where you agree with that person.

(4) Try to show appreciation for that person, even if you don’t like their view point. Make a distinction in your response between the person and the opinion.

(5) When you are disagreeing sharply, try to avoid personal pronouns and the active voice. This will tone down the sharpness of your retort. The person is more likely to engage with you in a constructive way.

(6) Don’t get a person’s first name wrong, especially, when you write or comment on their blog. (Sorry, Doug Boggs, at “The Banterer”). Wait until you’ve had coffee in the morning, if necessary.

(7) Try to link as often as you can, even when you comment. People like it.

(8) Try not to let the bitterness of past experience affect your willingness to believe that people might still wish to help you or engage with you. A lot of people who don’t agree with everything you say might support you in spite of that. Appreciate it.

(9) Keep your posts to one or two points and try to be informative. Argument is good too, but focus on reasons and evidence.

(10) On big questions, nobody is ever convinced only by an argument.  They need to be convinced by the person who makes the argument